They Can’t Love You
A powerful reflection emerged for one of my beautiful students during our Reiki Master Retreat this week, and it has stayed with me since. It touched on something many of us carry quietly in our hearts:
What happens when someone who we think should love us, just isn’t capable of loving us in the way that we need?
Maybe it’s a parent, a partner or friend. Maybe we’ve held onto the hope that one day they’ll soften, truly see us and love us fully but here’s a truth that, while painful, can also set us free:
Some people simply don’t have the capacity to love in the way we long for. Not because we’re unworthy of that love but because of what they’ve lived through… what they’ve shut down… what they’ve never been taught to access within themselves or fear accessing within themselves.
When someone has never met their own pain with compassion, they won’t know how to hold yours with love. That’s not your fault.
…and so we come to a crossroads - Do we keep waiting, hoping, suffering in the gap between what we need and what they can give? Or do we gently, lovingly, release them from our expectations. This doesn’t always have to be physically, but emotionally, energetically and spiritually we can set them free, which in turn sets us free.
We often miss the love that is available and has always been available to us. The warm hug from a child, the unwavering presence of a best friend, the silent support of a sibling because we're fixated on unlocking love from the one person who can't give it. There’s even a part of us that thinks, "If I can just be good enough, loving enough, patient enough... maybe they’ll change," but that’s not love, it’s suffering.
Sometimes we even attach our identity to that lack. We make their inability to love us mean something about us and our worthiness. We play a game with very high stakes when we put all of our efforts into this person and continually water the story we’ve told ourselves about them. Whilst doing this, we are turning away from the abundance of love that’s already flowing to us from many other sources. They are the ones who deserve our attention, our gratitude and our love in return but we often don’t see it.
The healing begins when we choose to stop chasing what hurts and start receiving what heals
Wish them peace and see them in light. Let go of the old story and begin appreciating the love you already have in your world. The more you do this, the more you are freed from the suffering. In that freedom, you remember that you are already deeply loved, you are already held and most importantly, you can begin loving yourself the way you’ve always wanted to be loved.
SHARE YOUR REIKI STORY
I’m so grateful to those who have already shared their Reiki stories for publication. You can submit your Reiki success story (short or long) by clicking the link below. It could be about you or, if you’re a practitioner, one of your clients - as long as you have permission to share or the person is unidentifiable within your story.
Thank you!
With love and light
Gwen x
