Practicing Vulnerability In Relationships
Learning how to be vulnerable in love relationships is difficult, particularly if we've never practised it before in previous relationships. If we grew up without good relationship role models or if showing our emotions was always considered a weakness, we may struggle to let our guard down within an important love relationship.
Being vulnerable is a risk; we may get hurt, we may be judged or rejected for our flaws and our emotional honesty and this can create a tough, impenetrable amour around our hearts. We may even find ourselves trying to control everything and others to protect ourselves from exposure.
If we're unable to properly process our emotions and share authentically with our love partner then we may resort to unhealthy behaviors that harm the relationship:
Passive/aggressive behaviour.
Trying to control everything.
Blaming others for how we're feeling or behaving
Name-calling when we feel misunderstood or not heard in order to belittle them
Numbing the pain with various addictions like alcohol, food, sex etc
Believing we are always right and therefore unable to take accountability for our part or apologise
I've learned that if we don't take steps to dismantle this armour and stand up for our truths, including being able to say 'I love you' to someone, we can miss the opportunity to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.
Lack of vulnerability can result in a cycle of superficial or drama-based relationships where both parties are emotionally unavailable and are acting out their past traumas because they have no other outlet. Neither partner feels emotionally safe enough to show their weaknesses or express their true feelings, wants and needs within the confines of the relationship.
It's been said that being vulnerable isn't about showing someone your weakness so they can attack you, it's about showing them the roadmap to how to love you.
If a couple deliberately creates a safe space for vulnerability and honest emotional sharing, this becomes a place where both can breathe and let their guard down. They can freely and honestly express their emotions without expecting to be judged, ridiculed or rejected.
Now just because the space is 'safe' doesn't make it easy. It's still a very uncomfortable process to go through but it's important to continue to move towards our discomfort and not seize up or run away from these opportunities.
I've found it to be one of the most challenging things to do in a relationship but it reaps the most invaluable rewards. If practised regularly, and it has to be practised, vulnerability can lead to an emotional closeness and deep understanding of each other - aspects that are fundamental to nurturing a loving, fulfilling, long-lasting relationship.
With love and light
Gwen 💜
