Understand the Freeze or Fawn Fear Response
Most of us are familiar with the concept of “fight or flight,” which is the body’s automatic response when we feel threatened, but there are two other fear responses that are just as important to understand.
Freeze and fawn.
Unlike fight or flight, they often go unnoticed, even though they quietly shape how we respond to stress, relationships and even our sense of purpose.
The Freeze Response
Freeze can be a trauma response. It happens when your nervous system feels so overwhelmed that neither fighting nor running (flight) seems possible. Instead, the body and brain shut down to protect you.
The prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for reasoning, decision-making and language) goes quiet, while the survival brain takes over. That’s why people literally can’t think of what to say in the moment.
Imagine having a disagreement where someone is passionately expressing their views and judgments. You want to respond but suddenly you’re unable to think clearly. You go blank. It’s not until much later, after the moment has passed, that your system “comes back online” and you think of all the things you wish you’d said.
For many, this pattern begins in childhood. If conflict or expression wasn’t safe, your body learned to “be still” as the best chance of survival. It worked brilliantly then but as an adult, it can leave us stuck, unable to speak up, set boundaries, or take action.
I grew up with an angry father. When he was shouting at you, usually right in your face, you would find yourself frozen with fear. You daren’t talk back or even move.
I didn’t realise how this was affecting me as an adult until recently. In a disagreement, I would sometimes find myself unable to think of the right words to properly convey my views in the moment. I used to think I wasn’t quick-witted enough, or that I was too busy ‘actively listening’ to formulate a coherent response and that’s why I needed more time to process.
Now I realise that this was actually a ‘freeze’ trauma response. An old, subconscious fear pattern triggered by the conflict and the survival response was to freeze to stay safe, even though my safety wasn’t being threatened.
wow…
It might also show up as:
Putting off decisions because you feel paralysed
“Checking out” with TV, scrolling or food when emotions are too much
Feeling disconnected from your body or surroundings
The Fawn Response
Fawn can be another trauma-based fear response. It’s the instinct to please others to avoid danger or rejection.
The term was coined by therapist Pete Walker, who works with Complex PTSD. It comes from the image of a fawn (a young deer) - a vulnerable creature whose survival depends on being gentle, non-threatening and appeasing.
Psychologically, fawning looks like trying to keep others happy to stay safe.
It might show up as:
Saying “yes” when every part of you wants to say “no”
Apologising even when you’ve done nothing wrong
Constantly scanning for other people’s moods and adjusting yourself to fit
Struggling to know what you want because your focus is always on others
Fawn often develops in childhood environments where love or safety was conditional. Keeping the peace was how you survived but as adults, it can block you from authenticity, boundaries and self-expression.
How to deal with freeze or fawn
Freeze and fawn aren’t flaws. They’re fear responses, hardwired into our nervous system to protect us. The challenge is, what once kept us safe may now be keeping us stuck.
The first step is awareness.
Notice when you freeze or fawn without judgment.
Take some long, deep, slow breaths to help trigger the relaxation response.
Pause and ask: What does my nervous system need right now to feel safe
Bring compassion and soothing to the part of you that’s simply doing its best to protect you.
Our body has always been on our side, even when it feels like it’s working against us. By bringing awareness to these patterns, we can begin to thank our nervous system for protecting us and lovingly guide it into new ways of being that don’t just keep us safe but help us thrive.
With love and light
Gwen x
Life Coach | Reiki Master Teacher | Meditation Teacher
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