What Does Self-Compassion Look Like?
One of the things I find myself saying to my Reiki students and coaching clients whenever they’re suffering (and they’re probably sick of hearing it😅) is ‘Please have compassion for yourself.’ but I’ve come to realise that many of us understand self-compassion conceptually but we don’t actually know how to put it into practice.
Self-compassion is not just ‘a nice thing to say’, it’s key to helping us move through the pain and suffering we are experiencing, so it’s not to be taken lightly or dismissed.
Compassion is a key component of the Reiki Principles. Its importance in our journey to health and happiness was deeply understood by the Founder of Reiki, Mikao Usui. Having practiced Buddhism, he recognised that compassion is key to ending all suffering. It doesn't mean we never again encounter adverse situations. It’s more that we will no longer make those situations mean something bad about ourselves and therefore, we won’t suffer for as long.
“Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves.”
I want to sha my approach for helping me embody self-compassion when I feel ready to stop fighting my unwanted emotions. It’s not always easy to remember to go to this straight away but I am consciously practicing moving into these steps more quickly.
Breathe
When we are suffering, no matter what the emotion, the first step is to breathe more consciously and keep doing this throughout this process - this reconnects us with our body and our feelings. Our breath is also pure energy, energy that can transmute pain and unwanted emotions.
Connect With Your Body
You may want to place your hands on your body. I usually place my left hand on my heart chakra to activate the heart meridian and my right hand anywhere on my abdomen. You can connect to Reiki if you feel you can but if not, it’s ok.
Radical Acceptance
“The willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as they are. A moment of radical acceptance is a moment of genuine freedom.”
Radical acceptance doesn't mean we like what’s happening or that we’re giving up. It means we stop fighting with the truth of what is so we can respond to ourselves with clarity and kindness rather than fear or control. We create space for healing by meeting ourselves where we are without judgement, denial or resistance - all of which can drain our energy and keep us stuck.
As you continue to breathe, we can move into radical acceptance with words like:
‘I am feeling (lost / angry/fearful / sad / overwhelmed) right now and that’s ok.’
‘It’s ok for me to feel this way.’
‘Sadness, I know you are here for me and I am here for you’
‘I have been through so much, so it’s understandable that I feel this way’
Whilst sitting with yourself in this gentle way, in time - (and you don’t want to rush this or put a time on it) - you will find yourself feeling soothed, there may be a calmness that washes over you as you realise you don’t have to fight what you’re feeling and you just allow it to be there. You naturally shift from ‘being the emotion’ to becoming the compassionate ‘observer of the emotion’ and the sensations you can feel in your body.
The Gentle Drift into Peace
Gradually, your thoughts will begin to quieten and in this quiet space, a new thought may enter your mind - it could be showing you a new perspective about your situation or reminding you of your past resilience. Whatever is shown to you, you have moved from the energy of the problem into the energy of possibility and this is the healing that self-compassion offers us.
Sometimes you may not even notice it’s happening as your thoughts may wander to lighter subjects like what you want to have for dinner and that’s ok too. Either way you’re no longer feeding the energy of the problem or perpetuating the cycle of unkind, disempowering thoughts.
It’s important not to reach for this step, let it unfold naturally and stay in radical acceptance.
It’s a beautiful process to practice daily as well as anytime you feel an ‘unwanted’ emotion.
If you try this practice, let me know by commenting below.
With love and light
Gwen x
