Men Need Healing Too
When starting as a Reiki Practitioner almost 10 years ago, I was adamant that I only wanted to work with women. Seeing clients at my home brought up concerns of safety so at the time this felt like the best option for me. Then one day, during my morning reiki meditation, I heard 'Men need healing too'. I remember feeling a strong sense of compassion for men and could see how much they needed a way to heal for the benefit of all humanity.
Immediately after, a gentleman called about reiki treatments. I couldn't believe it! I listened to the challenges both he and his wife were going through and sensed his sincerity. He became a client and booked several repeat sessions, improving with each one.
The generational trauma of women goes back thousands of years but during my exploration of feminine and masculine energies in relationships, I became more aware of the generational trauma of men. For both, remnants of this past trauma still exist in our DNA and can show up in the way we behave and interrelate today.
Male Generational Trauma
Men had to go to war and fight
Men had to accept death and destruction as a consequence of war and violence
Men learned to numb and bury their emotions as a way of coping
Men have to be the protector
Men have to be the provider
Men have to be strong - 'Men don’t cry', 'Mummy's boy'
Men have to win in the external / material world to be considered successful
Showing softer emotions equates to weakness and failure
Some grow up without fathers or good male role models
This generational trauma is compounded by racism, cultural trauma, religious trauma, childhood and relationship trauma.
The Wounded Masculine
The above sheds light on why some men are unable to be emotionally vulnerable. They can also find it particularly difficult when facing the emotional vulnerability of the women in their lives. It reminds them of their own deep painand this feels hard to bear because they haven't faced, explored or healed that pain. If a man is not emotionally conscious, it can lead to the following avoidant behaviours:
Fixing
Abandoning - Ghosting / Ignoring / lost in work
Defensive - Irritability / Anger
Deflective - Blaming / Gaslighting
Destructive - Drinking / Sex / Gambling
It's important for emotionally avoidant men to learn how to safely connect with their deeper emotions in order to protect their mental health and strengthen their relationships, be it love, family or friendships. To help, I am in the process of creating an offering that will provide men with a space to do this work so, if this is of interest, please watch for future announcements.
Regardless of gender, you're welcome to share your reflections in the comments.
With love and light
Gwen x
