Fearing Self Love
Although most of us understand that self-love is one of the major components of any healing journey, it can be the hardest thing to begin to contemplate for many of my clients. It's a challenge I can emphasise with, as it took me decades to finally feel that unconditional love for myself.
Many of my coaching clients have experienced childhood trauma leaving them with a deep-rooted belief that they're not loveable. There's a conscious fear that if they explore this belief further, they may not survive the pain they imagine they'll encounter but there's also a stronger, subconscious fear that once they dig deeper, they'll discover that the belief is actually true. Of course, this can never be the case. In my experience when we face this part of ourselves, it's never as painful as we've imagined. It's not easy but it's not intolerable to move through.
It's key to remember that we are no longer that powerless child but as an adult we now have the power to choose what we experience and what we make things mean about ourselves. We can accept what happened in our past as a fact but we can then choose how we act in our present, Do we continue to let the past hold us back and keep reliving the fear or do we choose to liberate ourselves by defining a new self-image that is far more empowering?
Of course, counselling, therapy and energy healing can provide guidance through this process but there are also some other things to consider when trying to nurture self-love.
The Company we keep
If you tend to outpour love to others, remember to pour some of that love into yourself.
Set boundaries with others regarding your time and energy.
Distance yourself from those who feed the belief that you are unloveable and erode your confidence.
Don't tolerate bad behaviour from those who don't treat you lovingly - E.g. Either overtly or covertly disrespect you, ignore you, don't prioritise you or your feelings, make you feel small or constantly criticise you - usually because of their own lack of self-love and fears.
Spend more time with people who demonstrate they love and value you - Don't take them for granted by spending your efforts trying to get people to validate you who don't see your worth.
When we do the work required to build self-love, my clients go from not being able to say 'I like myself', to feelings of love and self-acceptance they haven't experienced for decades. As mentioned this is an important aspect of any healing journey. Without self-love, we will consistently seek to fill the void with things outside of ourselves that, by their very nature, are impermanent.
Daily Self Love
It's crucial to work on self-love daily by becoming mindful of your thoughts, words and feelings so you can catch them. In time, thoughts of self-love will become your dominant set point and you will feel internally stronger, more confident and less fearful about life.
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Have a loving Sunday💜
With love and light
Gwen x
