Fear Of Being Alone
Almost all of my private coaching clients, aged 20 to 60, have a strong fear of being alone. Up until a few years ago, this was one of my major fears too.
This fear usually comes from childhood due to abandonment or perceived neglect from a parent, primary carer or even siblings. It can also start later in life following a succession of failed relationships.
If left unresolved, it can cause us to desperately yearn to be in a relationship. Once in a relationship, we can become needy for constant reassurance and it can lead us to ‘settle’ for detrimental relationships because we would rather be with someone than be on our own.
It’s important to get comfortable with and start enjoying our own company so we don’t call the wrong people to us for the wrong reasons.
When we lose our fear of being alone we radiate out a calmer, more positive energy that is devoid of neediness. We then naturally attract those who resonate with this higher vibration.
So how do you overcome the fear of being alone?
Firstly, we need to disassociate ‘loneliness’ from ‘being alone’ because we are never truly alone. Most of us have family and friends we can call and spend time with. We also need to change the perception that being on our own is a ‘bad thing’.
There are many benefits to being on your own; You can do what you want when you want, you can go where you want, eat what you want, can decorate your home to your own taste, don’t have to clean up after anyone or even take someone else’s needs into consideration. You can have quiet, lazy days and lovely self-care days. Bliss! 😌
Now, this doesn’t mean that you don’t want a relationship. You’re simply making peace with being on your own so you’re ok either way.
Secondly, try to spend more time doing things on your own that you would normally do with others, like going to restaurants, the movies or seeing a show.
Once I've explored the origins of this fear with my clients, I like to challenge them to have lunch in a restaurant on their own. They can bring a book but they are not allowed to call someone to pass the time whilst there. Ideally, they should sit, eat and people-watch.
You will be surprised how just the thought of this simple act can fill some people with fear. They worry that others will stare, judge or feel pity for them. When they actually try it out, they realise no one is watching them, they’re all too busy with their own stuff. 😀
I ask them to order what they want, take their time and become really present with their surroundings. They all speak of experiencing a sense of liberation from this simple act, so it’s definitely something to try.
If you have a fear of being alone, let me know if you decide to try the restaurant challenge. 🥰
Namasté
Gwen x
