The Law Of Non-Attachment
In Buddhism, it's believed that most of the suffering we experience in life is caused by our attachment to things, people and situations. Having strong expectations in any of these areas leads us to become attached to a certain outcome and when that outcome fails to transpire, we feel dissatisfied... we suffer.
“The Root of Suffering is Attachment”
We might set a goal and want it to happen in a particular way, rather than trusting and enjoying the journey.
In relationships, we might have an expectation (i) of the relationship itself i.e. this must be the one, or this must lead to marriage and (ii) we might have strong expectations of how the person should be or behave in the relationship and if they or the relationship don't live up to those expectations, again we feel let down or we cause them to suffer as they are made aware of our judgements of them.
At work, we might do a favour for a colleague and expect them to later do the same for us, feeling disappointed when they don't comply with our standards.
With our children, we can be single-mindedly attached to expectations about their future; who they should be when they grow up, their mental health, the career they should have etc and then feel disappointed when they choose an alternate path, a path we have no control over.
We can become attached to things, our possessions, homes, cars, money, titles, qualifications etc which can move us into wanting more and more in order to prove our value to others and believing these things will ultimately bring us happiness.
One of the biggest things we can attach to is our thoughts. When they are negative in nature we can often add power to them by assigning meaning to them and taking them as 'truth', rather than becoming mindful and just observing them without judgment.
Do we have to give up wanting everything?
Non-attachment doesn't mean that we have to give up on our desires, tolerate bad relationships or not guide our children, it means that when we set an intention and then let go of controlling the outcome we suffer less. We can trust that we are going in the right direction and go with the flow of life as the Universe handles the details of how we get to those desires.
In fact, the act of detachment brings a feeling of joy and oneness as we realise that we are not separate from the things we desire. There is only Unity which means it's all within us anyway, so there is no need to cling to them as if we are separate from them.
With our children we can let it be okay for them to safely make different choices as they go through the process of discovering their identity, knowing that we are there if they need us.
In love relationships, we can be less judgemental, putting things in perspective in terms of what is really important beyond superficial nuances, habits and societal expectations.
With possessions, we can choose to live more simply, with fewer things resulting in less mental stress and a sense of freedom to be able to get up and go wherever we decide to go in the world without the excess baggage. Something I aspire to accomplish one day.
A good place to start with this law or principle is by looking at anything you're struggling with and clinging to right now. See if you can let go of wanting to control it for the next 48 hours and notice how that feels.
Let me know how you get on or if you have many reflections.
Namasté
Gwen x
