Updated: Nov 22, 2022
When our children are born we have so many expectations for them. We visualise them having a good education, a great job, leaving home and settling into a loving relationship. This is what we believe will make them 'happy' and what we want more than anything, is for them to be happy. We then spend years steering them towards this conventional idea of 'happiness' and if we're blindsided by an alternate or more experimental way of being it can be hard for us to contain our disappointment and fear. Eventually, we come to terms with this 'change of plan' but there may still be a feeling of disappointment, anxiety or a desire to fix the situation.
I've had some heartbreaking calls with mothers who desperately want to help their now depressed or anxious child find happiness again.
Sometimes their child can be destructive not just to themselves but to their families and I can feel that mother's pain through the phone. Their child may be receiving counselling or seeing a therapist which is hugely beneficial and I highly recommend but there are things you can try that work well alongside these approaches. Our children can sense the energy of fear, anxiety and disappointment radiating from us and in response, they can act up even more. If they are in a place of self-loathing, this self-loathing is validated by the energies they can feel around them. As parents, even if we are saying positive things it's the energy behind our words that's being picked up by our children. What does this mean?
It means we need to change our energy so our children can have the space they need to feel better about themselves. It takes practice and time but the process below can really help to shift things despite the age of your child.
Take 5 minutes each day to visualise your child at an age when they were happy most of the time.
Be in the vision with them.
See them laughing with you and playing.
See you both holding and hugging each other.
Tell them how much you love them.
Tell them that no matter what, they should always love themselves more than anything else.
Try not to give any other advice at this stage or use this space to lecture them, just love them.
This visioning process is something I do with my own daughter. When I first discovered it she was 14 years old, struggling with the hormones of puberty and we were locking horns frequently. It was wearing us both down and I knew I had to change my perception of her in order to shift things. It really worked well, restoring harmony to our home and to our relationship.
This simple process really does deepen the unconditional love you have for them. At the same time, it creates a softer more loving energy around them so they can show up differently without the resistant energy of fear, anxiety, disappointment or judgement.
It's also important to watch your internal and external dialogue about them as you go about your day. Are your words and thoughts fueling the negative energy? If so, take steps to change them.
With this process they don't have to do anything, it's totally your work and you will soon see evidence that things are shifting.
Let me know if you give this a try but give it time. 💖
Is a Transformation Coach, Spiritual Business Coach, Accredited Meditation Teacher and Reiki Master/Teacher with a desire to open your mind to new possibilities, whilst gently guiding you towards your goals and personal transformations.
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