Updated: Aug 21
I've coached many clients who are initially reluctant to call in love because they have a history of failed relationships with partners who didn't treat them well. They're usually worried that the cycle will continue and some feel they always attract partners who are 'broken' because they themselves are 'not good enough', or 'not loveable'. They generally feel they have no control.
I often hear phrases like:
'I always seem to attract the bad ones.'
'I don't know what's wrong with me.'
'They always end up cheating on me or rejecting me.'
While there is inner-child healing that needs to take place to break these cycles, there's also another crucial shift in perspective that needs to happen.
When I ask them one particular question, the penny drops:
'Have you ever rejected anyone in the past and If so, was it because they were 'too nice'?'
in a split second, they are presented with the false premise of their generalisations. They remember that 'nice guys' have approached them in the past but at the time they weren't looking for someone 'nice' - Nice is boring. They wanted someone exciting, challenging, extremely good-looking and ultimately someone they could fix, change and win over. Fairytales and romantic movies have a lot to answer for here.
In short, they were choosing the 'bad ones' every time and rejecting the 'nice ones'... every time. They were choosing from their teenage-self who cared more about looks and being seen as beautiful enough to attract someone who was desired by many. Now, as adults, they were still allowing their teenage-selves to dominate the proceedings, resulting in serial entanglements that were destined to fail.
Once they become conscious of this, I notice a visible shift in their energy. They can clearly see the programme that's been running this part of their lives. There's a realisation that the power to change things doesn't lie in the hands of someone else but within themselves. They can make better relationship choices from their now, adult-self and the healing can begin.
It's an incredibly freeing moment.
Let me know if this hits home for you.
Is an expert Life Transformation Coach, Spiritual Business Coach, Accredited Meditation Teacher and Reiki Master/Teacher with a desire to open your mind to new possibilities, whilst gently guiding you towards your goals and personal transformations.
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