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Attachment Styles

Updated: Mar 2

If you find yourself repeating certain cycles and patterns of behaviour in your relationships then becoming aware of your attachment style may help you understand what might be behind these patterns and allow you to finally break them.

The way we 'attached' to our primary carer as children are said to affect our adult relationships directly. 'Attachment' is the deep emotional bond we have with another person and there are 4 main attachment styles that define how we relate to others as adults. This includes everything from who we choose as our partners to how those relationships will pan out and eventually end.


As you've probably guessed, this is the best form of attachment style.

People with this style:

  • Are emotionally balanced and emotionally intelligent.

  • Have a generally positive mindset and feel secure within themselves.

  • Are trusting, forgiving and understanding.

  • Are emotionally available and can communicate authentically.

  • Have a mature approach to conflict.

  • Have a good balance between independence and dependence within their relationship.

  • Set and uphold appropriate boundaries.

  • Have no resistance to being in a warm, loving relationship.


People with this style:

  • Are very distant and emotionally withdrawn.

  • Avoid emotional intimacy, perhaps reject the advances of others or push their partner away in an attempt to avoid abandonment themselves.

  • Prefer their own company and are incredibly self-sufficient.

  • Are able to take charge in a crisis situation when others are too emotional to cope.

  • Avoid depending on others and avoid others depending on them.

  • Be judgemental of themselves and others.

  • Avoid conflict by holding feelings in, leading to an overreaction later.


People with this style:

  • Are very insecure and needy.

  • Constantly seek reassurance and attention from their partner.

  • Become obsessed with their partner and hold little to no personal boundaries.

  • Are incredibly frightened of abandonment or rejection.

  • Are very controlling, over-emotional, argumentative and moody resulting in relationships that blow hot and cold.

  • Display unpredictable, over-the-top behaviour.

  • Have a generally negative self-image.

  • Take their partner's words, actions and non-actions way too personally.


People with this style:

  • Feel extremely insecure in relationships.

  • Will have a very negative self-image.

  • Have likely experienced serious past, unhealed trauma.

  • Will usually have unhealthy, toxic relationships.

  • Will be very aggressive, insensitive and abusive.

  • Will be mistrusting and suspicious.

  • May display narcissistic tendencies.

Be reassured that none of the above styles is set in stone so if you don't currently have a 'Secure Attachment' style when it comes to relationships, you can move towards it by first becoming aware of your current style and then committing to doing the inner work required to change things or seek professional help.

It's such a fascinating subject. I'll be exploring the topic in more detail in a new video coming soon so do look out for it. 💖


Gwen x


Gwen Allison

Is a Transformation Coach, Spiritual Business Coach, Accredited Meditation Teacher and Reiki Master/Teacher with a desire to open your mind to new possibilities, whilst gently guiding you towards your goals and personal transformations.

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